I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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