Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
