I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
