I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
