id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
