Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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