i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
