My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
