I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
