I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
