The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
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