I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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