Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
