Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
