My underwear smells like fireworks.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.