Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.