Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.

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(845): View more from New York

I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.

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(765): View more from Indiana

He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."

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Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(706): View more from Georgia

See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working

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(858): View more from California

PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.

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(586): View more from Michigan

I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink

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(419): View more from Ohio

Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.

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