I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?