You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
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You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
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Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast