i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops