i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
