Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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