Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(801): View more from Utah

My underwear smells like fireworks.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk

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(250): View more from British Columbia

are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(479): View more from Arkansas

This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.

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(440): View more from Ohio

I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood

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(810): View more from Michigan

So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.

(989): View more from Michigan

this is the most serious roommate agreement ever

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.

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