Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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