We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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