u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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