I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
