my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
