Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
