he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We're too hungover to prance.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
