i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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