i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
