when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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