STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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