Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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