Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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