Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
