Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
