Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
