If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
