I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize