Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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