I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
