In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
