i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
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there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
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I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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