We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
