Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
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