I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the day after is always just damage control
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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