wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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