Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
