ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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