She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
