First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
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