Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
