Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I pour the whiskey from now on
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
