You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
