yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
