I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
