Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
