Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
