if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
