Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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