Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
