Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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