Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
