Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
