I bet he comes in French.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Randomize
