My brain says no but my pants say off.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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