can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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