I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
