when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
