i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
