His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Are we still banned from the library?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
