HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
third nipple confirmed
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
