I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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