You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
