I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
