I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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