gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
