how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
