We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
