The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
